Wimp and a Wuss

Note to self -- don't attend career seminars for other majors. Also, stay away from any and all recruiting fairs, because all they talk about is how much they love "hard science majors" because they're so smart and so disciplined and obviously know how to work harder than any other major.

Even (and perhaps especially) if the recruiters are offering cookies, donuts, pizza, or free t-shirts.

Sometimes I feel like my life is such a dead end. I've been working at the same student foodservice job since I was a freshman (didn't get a promotion until after I'd been working there at least 3 years) and which job I automatically lose upon graduation, I don't want to go to grad school to become a speech therapist mostly because I hate how I feel isolated in the undergrad program, I have no idea where to go in the job market because I feel defined exclusively by my (lack of) success in school and feel utterly unprepared to make a contribution anywhere, and my own pessimism is weighing me down like someone exchanged my backpack for sandbags. I hate it! And I'm a little scared by what it means for me.

And I'm certain I'm doing it to myself. Because I'm being a miserable old grouch who wants to place blame for her own misery on anything but herself. Perpetuating my own sadness is irrational, so why do I do it?

Moreover, why do I feel the urge to share all my pitiable woes with the online world? It's not even fulfilling because I seldom get feedback. I've heard from a few scholarly sources lately that shared pain brings empathy. Is that why I want to complain? If I think back to when I lived with my half the members of my social group, I would have never communicated with them like I communicate with facebook; complaining seems more destructive to relationships than helpful, so maybe there's a balance that breeds empathy.

I wrote most of this last night after attending a lecture for math majors with my husband, and after falling on the ice on my way to work (hurting my hands and ripping my pants), and after I was unprepared for group work in my new writing class after trying hard all morning. I'm doing better today, but I was frustrated and wanted to vent about a lot of things, and couldn't think of a healthy way to do it. So I guess this is less complete venting, but helped me think about it and put things in perspective.