My husband and I were chasing down some professors on campus and dropped by several offices in the building that houses the humanities, literature, home economics, philosophy, and foreign language departments.
It. Felt. So. Good.
I don't know whether it was the free chocolate chip cookies from someone's birthday, or the friendly student and full-time secretaries, or my husband's amiable nature with everyone we had a conversation with, or the bright red Christmas stockings on the professors' doors, or the fun and relaxed choir classes we asked about, or remembering my younger aspirations to be an author and/or a polyglot, or the glittery Christmas trees and decorations in the department offices, but it felt good to be there. A pleasant spirit of humanity pervaded the halls and pricked my heart with encouragement.
It felt like home, in a way. It reminded me of my past dreams and suggested that maybe they could still come true someday. We'll have to see.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thoughts and Answers
I've been doing a "Thirty Days of Thanksgiving" series on my other blogs and on facebook, and the-day-before-yesterday's expression of gratitude relates to this project.
When I'm at my job, I'm working with people almost the whole time, but maybe just with each person for five minutes, so my longest running conversation during those hours is internal, with myself. When I'm troubled, I meditate even more, and I was feeling troubled this week. It was cool because as I thought about life and thought about my thoughts, I formulated and received some statements and answers and was able to feel the Holy Spirit confirm things that are true, which led me to more thinking in a positive direction.
Here are a few things that crossed my mind and seemed meaningful.
Lots of words, lots of thoughts, so hopefully I'll make sense of them and be able to apply the good things.
I'm grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit, conferred on me when I was 8 years old. I'm grateful for its guidance to and confirmation of truth. Even when my mind is swirling with questions and doubts, the Spirit nudges me in the right direction and I'm grateful for that.I've felt stuck in an emotional rut for several months now, and it makes a lot of things harder; I've mostly had a hard time being optimistic, and it's affected my esteem and whatnot. Sometimes I want to hide my face from God and anyone else who loves me because I'm terrified of inevitably disappointing them and myself with who I am and what I have (or haven't) done. But somehow, a teeny little part of me refuses to give myself up entirely. That part of me is slowly getting a little stronger, and is believing and trusting the Holy Ghost as I feel it.
When I'm at my job, I'm working with people almost the whole time, but maybe just with each person for five minutes, so my longest running conversation during those hours is internal, with myself. When I'm troubled, I meditate even more, and I was feeling troubled this week. It was cool because as I thought about life and thought about my thoughts, I formulated and received some statements and answers and was able to feel the Holy Spirit confirm things that are true, which led me to more thinking in a positive direction.
Here are a few things that crossed my mind and seemed meaningful.
"I shouldn't be here... So why am I?"There are far too many merciful coincidences that have kept me here in school when I should have flunked out years ago. I'm smart, a good test-taker, often remember things well, and draw connections between things I've previously learned when faced with newer ideas; I just have terrible motivation, discipline, and study habits when it comes to academics. So why am I being preserved? God seems to have a purpose in it... So what is that purpose? Why am I still here?
"I feel like I'll never amount to anything. But I know that if I tried telling God that, He'd give me a look and say that's wrong. So where is the difference?"There's apparently a difference between God's opinion of what "anything" is and what my opinion of "anything" is, so what is that difference? What does God think is important? What do I think is important? How do I reconcile the difference? God is always right, so I need to adjust my thinking to define myself by what really matters most. Then, how do I live up to God's expectations?
"I haven't been in college to learn - I've been here because it's what I was supposed to do. Will there be a change when I take non-degree-seeking classes because I want to learn the stuff?"I've taken some classes because I thought they sounded interesting and because I wanted to learn the stuff. German, Child Development, Creative Writing, a class on the book of Isaiah, and various dance classes. Of those though, I think the dance classes were the only ones I put heartfelt effort into. The grading and success are largely based on attendance and outside practice; I wanted to learn it, so I did the things that would help me learn. With the other classes... I balked at the long, research-based essays, tedious listening to subtleties in various vowels, the pages of reading to do before every class, and the homework schedule in a language I couldn't understand... all with grades attached. That was stressful and even scary at times. Some of the classes I enjoyed most were my religion classes with a particular professor that had no homework, used a single text that I was familiar with, and tested mostly on the lecture; all I had to do was show up and soak in the interesting material we discussed. I liked the topics of the other classes, but managing the classwork was hard. Most of my classes, though, I took because they were required. So if I take classes after graduation, especially if I audit them (no grades attached), I think I'll enjoy them a lot more without the homework stress and because I'll want to take them. I really hope that's how it works out.
Lots of words, lots of thoughts, so hopefully I'll make sense of them and be able to apply the good things.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Video
This video came up in my newsfeed on facebook today, and I thought it was pertinent.
I think it's possible to listen to this video and interpret it through a YOLO (you only live once) perspective and go crazy abandoning all responsibilities in life. Most people probably don't adopt that philosophy to quite that extreme, but I think this still presents a powerful, powerful message. Perhaps instead of the comparison between a short, happy life and a long, miserable life, it should be between a poor but happy life versus a rich but miserable life.
When I was picking a major, I was indecisive between things I liked, but I was also concerned about doing something I could support myself with. It's one reason why I turned away from English and education degrees. While that is something to consider, how much money I'll make shouldn't be my biggest reason for pursuing something. Finding something that I'm happy doing will be worth it. Thanks for the words of advice, Alan Watts, whoever you are.
I think it's possible to listen to this video and interpret it through a YOLO (you only live once) perspective and go crazy abandoning all responsibilities in life. Most people probably don't adopt that philosophy to quite that extreme, but I think this still presents a powerful, powerful message. Perhaps instead of the comparison between a short, happy life and a long, miserable life, it should be between a poor but happy life versus a rich but miserable life.
When I was picking a major, I was indecisive between things I liked, but I was also concerned about doing something I could support myself with. It's one reason why I turned away from English and education degrees. While that is something to consider, how much money I'll make shouldn't be my biggest reason for pursuing something. Finding something that I'm happy doing will be worth it. Thanks for the words of advice, Alan Watts, whoever you are.
Spiritual Renewal
An important part of this project that I'm missing is the spiritual portion. I've had differing kinds of struggles for a while, and sometimes it feels like I'm struggling to feel any forward momentum. Just trying to get by a day at a time. But I really can't complete this project, this rebirth, without it.
Unless I treat this as a spiritual project as well, I won't make the most important reformations in my life. So in addition to learning all this other skills, I need to improve my scripture reading habits and other things to get myself in a place where I am happier, more optimistic, more loving, and more effective. Spiritual work is the work of becoming.
"Verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal...for my commandments are spiritual." -Doctrine and Covenants 29:34-35Basically, my life experience and gut instinct tell me that I can't succeed without teaming up with God. So to reform the rest of my person, I need to pay due attention to reforming my spiritual self. When you approach it with the right perspective, all things really are spiritual: earning money to provide for your family's well-being is an act of sacrifice and consecration, going to school and learning adds intelligence and enhances your maturity and understanding, cleaning your house is creating order and also sacrifice.
Unless I treat this as a spiritual project as well, I won't make the most important reformations in my life. So in addition to learning all this other skills, I need to improve my scripture reading habits and other things to get myself in a place where I am happier, more optimistic, more loving, and more effective. Spiritual work is the work of becoming.
Family History
Contributing to and learning about my family history last night was a really good experience. I wrote in a couple different journals and did some research online, and I began to experience some emotional healing and felt more connected to my ancestors.
Today, I had a thought: Could working on my family history be a good vehicle for developing the skills I want? I identified a particular ancestor that I want to pursue, and no one who's published online seems to have any more information than I have, so that means that I'll have to get my hands dirty and do some actual research. I'm taking a British Family History class next semester which should help. I mean, I'm looking for a man with the surname Daines whose trail ends in England in the 1600s - his ancestors must have come from Denmark at some point, right?
Hardcore researching is something I haven't done in my undergraduate experience; due to my procrastinating nature, any researching opportunities I had in classes were wasted and I only submitted quick, sub-par work. Long-term research on a meaningful project would do a lot of good things for me. Many times I've given up on long projects because I lost interest or focus or discipline, and didn't know how to progress. With family history, there are hundreds of dead-ends that probably just need some extra help (which is more readily available with technology), lots of ways to poke around for information, and many, many people who are also involved in research.
Also, some useful classes I'm thinking about taking: editing, Danish language, sewing, family history. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Other Matters
I want this Renaissance project to be more than just an education or career thing; I think that becoming a Renaissance woman - theoretically a "master of all trades", like an educated Victorian gentleman or lady, or at least a well-rounded individual - will make me more marketable, but mostly a better person, and that's what gives this project its importance.
So what are some other areas I want to work on?
One thing I thought about yesterday was my people skills. I feel much less awkward and shy when I'm actually in a conversation, compared to how I used to be. But getting into those conversations is still a struggle sometimes. I don't say hi to people I see on campus much anymore, and that's bothering me. I cried for months when I thought about the friends I expected to show up to my bridal shower and wedding reception but who didn't, and I'm ashamed when I wonder how much of that was my fault for not being a better friend. I've been invited to a lot of weddings and bridal showers, and hardly attended any because I figured I wasn't that important to them, or I waited until it was too late to look for a ride. Now I see what an impact that had on me, and wonder if that's how others have felt because of my (in)actions. That's something I should work on now - making sure that people know I value them and that I'm not just a fair-weather friend.
Along with books, I'd like to find other forms of media that are enlightening, well-rounding, and will increase my knowledge of the world. What are some movies or plays or other forms of art that I can acquaint myself with to become more of a Renaissance person? I doubt that they would help me find a job, but they'll help me become a more appreciative, wise woman hopefully. My husband watches TEDtalks regularly, and I often enjoy those. I did a brief research paper about a year ago on Bollywood (Indian) film, and that was intellectually and artistically broadening. It was a good learning opportunity to watch some of the earliest Bollywood movies and see what themes have changed or remained constant over the last 50 years or so. My husband and I also watched some older classic movies when he was pursuing an honors degree, and we both saw a lot of merit in seeing movies like Casablanca. I've seen a few Miyazaki (Japanese) films with my roommates, like Howl's Moving Castle and Ponyo, but I still feel largely unacquainted with Asian culture generally. With movies, I will add this caution though: I am very sensitive to film, especially when it depicts violence. I watched Braveheart with my husband while we were flying to or from our honeymoon; my hesitations about the rating were overcome by my husband's opinion that it promotes great values, so I watched most of it. I will agree that the depth of violence in it is instrumental in communicating the depth of important values, but it was too much for me emotionally. So, powerful, violent movies will likely be off my list, no matter how much they build humanity.
I've probably got a good base of quality music, but any specific song suggestions, especially if they are emblematic of a genre, would be welcome.
That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure I will continue musing for a long while.
So what are some other areas I want to work on?
One thing I thought about yesterday was my people skills. I feel much less awkward and shy when I'm actually in a conversation, compared to how I used to be. But getting into those conversations is still a struggle sometimes. I don't say hi to people I see on campus much anymore, and that's bothering me. I cried for months when I thought about the friends I expected to show up to my bridal shower and wedding reception but who didn't, and I'm ashamed when I wonder how much of that was my fault for not being a better friend. I've been invited to a lot of weddings and bridal showers, and hardly attended any because I figured I wasn't that important to them, or I waited until it was too late to look for a ride. Now I see what an impact that had on me, and wonder if that's how others have felt because of my (in)actions. That's something I should work on now - making sure that people know I value them and that I'm not just a fair-weather friend.
Along with books, I'd like to find other forms of media that are enlightening, well-rounding, and will increase my knowledge of the world. What are some movies or plays or other forms of art that I can acquaint myself with to become more of a Renaissance person? I doubt that they would help me find a job, but they'll help me become a more appreciative, wise woman hopefully. My husband watches TEDtalks regularly, and I often enjoy those. I did a brief research paper about a year ago on Bollywood (Indian) film, and that was intellectually and artistically broadening. It was a good learning opportunity to watch some of the earliest Bollywood movies and see what themes have changed or remained constant over the last 50 years or so. My husband and I also watched some older classic movies when he was pursuing an honors degree, and we both saw a lot of merit in seeing movies like Casablanca. I've seen a few Miyazaki (Japanese) films with my roommates, like Howl's Moving Castle and Ponyo, but I still feel largely unacquainted with Asian culture generally. With movies, I will add this caution though: I am very sensitive to film, especially when it depicts violence. I watched Braveheart with my husband while we were flying to or from our honeymoon; my hesitations about the rating were overcome by my husband's opinion that it promotes great values, so I watched most of it. I will agree that the depth of violence in it is instrumental in communicating the depth of important values, but it was too much for me emotionally. So, powerful, violent movies will likely be off my list, no matter how much they build humanity.
I've probably got a good base of quality music, but any specific song suggestions, especially if they are emblematic of a genre, would be welcome.
That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure I will continue musing for a long while.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Continuing Education?
This will be an important part in my reformation process, and I'm not sure how to approach it yet. Here are some thoughts.
My undergraduate degree will be in Speech Pathology. I don't think I realized when I got into the major that a Master's degree was a prerequisite to actually practicing in my field, but it's been increasingly emphasized the closer I've gotten to graduation. As I've not-so-subtly hinted, I haven't done stellarly where schoolwork is concerned, and honestly... the fact that I'm married now and don't have to support myself financially on my own doesn't increase my motivation to force myself through grad school when I really don't want to be there. My husband also pointed out that dropout rates for grad school aren't so good, so in my opinion, pursuing a master's degree in speech pathology right now (if I could even get accepted to a program) sounds like setting myself up for failure. To top it off, my professors have emphasized this semester that after I graduate from a master's program, I'll only be a "well-trained generalist." Again, not very encouraging.
So what are some other options in continuing my education? I visited a couple advisement offices on campuses and got information about some other paths besides speech therapy.
I looked at:
- Master's in Marriage, Family, Human Development
- Master's in Social Work
- Post-baccalaureate accreditation in Genealogy
- Post-baccalaureate accreditation in Elementary Education
- A second bachelor's in Genealogy at another university
- A second bachelor's in Elementary Education at another university
I don't think a master's degree is what I want right now because I'm still unsure of what I want to study. If I were to find something I am passionate enough about and can be qualified for, then sure, maybe I'll give it a go. I'm hesitant about another bachelor's degree as well because I'd probably have to repeat my general education requirements, and I don't know if I want to wait another four years before possibly being qualified for a job I want.
One idea that my husband and I have discussed is taking classes at our current university on a non-degree-seeking basis. We'll be here for at least another year, and I might even be able to work full-time concurrently if I'm just taking one evening class a semester. When I realized that my next semester would be my last, my priorities changed when it came to filling in my schedule, and I just don't have time to take even more electives than I've already taken. And as I'm looking at the workforce with a different perspective now, I'm seeing gaps in my education that I should try to fill in. Maybe I could take classes in accounting, communication, business, genealogy research, editing, or other areas that will strengthen my resume and give me skills that I'll need in the workplace. It'll still bear some thought, but that's probably my tentative plan for now.
My undergraduate degree will be in Speech Pathology. I don't think I realized when I got into the major that a Master's degree was a prerequisite to actually practicing in my field, but it's been increasingly emphasized the closer I've gotten to graduation. As I've not-so-subtly hinted, I haven't done stellarly where schoolwork is concerned, and honestly... the fact that I'm married now and don't have to support myself financially on my own doesn't increase my motivation to force myself through grad school when I really don't want to be there. My husband also pointed out that dropout rates for grad school aren't so good, so in my opinion, pursuing a master's degree in speech pathology right now (if I could even get accepted to a program) sounds like setting myself up for failure. To top it off, my professors have emphasized this semester that after I graduate from a master's program, I'll only be a "well-trained generalist." Again, not very encouraging.
So what are some other options in continuing my education? I visited a couple advisement offices on campuses and got information about some other paths besides speech therapy.
I looked at:
- Master's in Marriage, Family, Human Development
- Master's in Social Work
- Post-baccalaureate accreditation in Genealogy
- Post-baccalaureate accreditation in Elementary Education
- A second bachelor's in Genealogy at another university
- A second bachelor's in Elementary Education at another university
I don't think a master's degree is what I want right now because I'm still unsure of what I want to study. If I were to find something I am passionate enough about and can be qualified for, then sure, maybe I'll give it a go. I'm hesitant about another bachelor's degree as well because I'd probably have to repeat my general education requirements, and I don't know if I want to wait another four years before possibly being qualified for a job I want.
One idea that my husband and I have discussed is taking classes at our current university on a non-degree-seeking basis. We'll be here for at least another year, and I might even be able to work full-time concurrently if I'm just taking one evening class a semester. When I realized that my next semester would be my last, my priorities changed when it came to filling in my schedule, and I just don't have time to take even more electives than I've already taken. And as I'm looking at the workforce with a different perspective now, I'm seeing gaps in my education that I should try to fill in. Maybe I could take classes in accounting, communication, business, genealogy research, editing, or other areas that will strengthen my resume and give me skills that I'll need in the workplace. It'll still bear some thought, but that's probably my tentative plan for now.
Today's Library Trip
My husband is well-equipped to advise me on scholastic and other matters, so he's been a great resource in helping me craft this improvement plan. We stopped by the library on our way home from campus at his suggestion and I picked out some books that we had talked about.
Today's selections are all from G.K. Chesterton, an amusing British author from the first part of the 20th century who one of my friends told me about. At her suggestion a couple years ago, I read from parts of a compilation of his writing and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I checked out:
- The Spirit of Christmas
- Chesterton's Stories, Essays, and Poems
- The Ball and the Cross
- The Collected Poems of G.K. Chesterton
- The Spice of Life
Apparently he was an extremely prolific writer, and I didn't look up these books beforehand, so I hope they turn out to be as entertaining as my first reading was.
Some ideas for the long-term ideal reading list:
- Shakespeare
- Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston
- J.D. Salinger
- The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
- Crime and Punishment
- Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
- 100 Years of Solitude (originally a book in Spanish, but I can't find the keyboard symbol to spell it correctly...), Gabriel Garcia Marquez
- Don Quixote de la Mancha, Miguel de Cervantes
- Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
- Siddhartha
- David McCullough
- Things Fall Apart
- The Tortilla Curtain
- The Tortilla Curtain
I also read a novel called Edenbrooke, by Julianne Donaldson, this week and loved it. It's like Jane Austen's novels, but at a much more modern-reader-friendly pace. I felt like it was more than a fluffy romance though - I appreciated the character development and psychology of the narrator. There were some convenient plot turns towards the end, but I felt like it was a fairly genuine and definitely uplifting book. And after reading about the characters' love story, I felt more loving and appreciative towards my husband, which is probably a less-common phenomenon after wives watch sugary chick flicks. This book was a love story with more substance to it.
Some Interests
I didn't declare my major (that I'm graduating in) until my junior year. A really big part of the problem in figuring out what I want to do in life is specializing... There are just a lot of things I enjoy, and it was really hard to pick a major; I ended up basing the decision on two things: it was an open major (no application) and the introductory class was interesting because it seemed to combine several of my interests. As I mentioned, I feel now like my major is kind of a dead end... So, back to square one.
- Writing. I probably started blogging a couple years ago, but I've loved writing for years. Like many of my hobbies, writing for fun fell by the wayside because I got busy with school and other distractions. I loved my creative writing class that I took my sophomore year in college - that's when I learned the value of editing and the power of my own writing. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good grade in that class because I didn't try very hard to keep up in the reading and because as a chronic procrastinator, deadlines haven't been my friends.
- Reading. I was a horribly voracious reader while growing up. The issues were that I would often ignore homework in favor of a delicious novel, and my reading level far surpassed my maturity level, so in middle school I stopped finding books that were sufficiently challenging because the content was more mature than I could handle. I also realized going into high school that I had to stop reading for fun if I was ever going to get homework done. Until recently, I basically just read for fun in the summer. I've slowly started picking up fun books again, but I still have problems putting the book down to take care of responsibilities. For my reading selection, I've mostly reread old favorites and gotten a couple recommendations from my family.
- Languages. I started learning Spanish in third grade and became enchanted with it. I was into American Girl Dolls at the time and Josephina, a nine year-old from colonial New Mexico, had just been introduced; I connected her with what I learned in school and became infatuated with everything I learned about Latin culture. I learned a little linguistics from my sophomore year Spanish teacher and took AP Spanish (advanced placement, a class with a standardized test of completion) my senior year in high school, and fully intended to study German, Italian, and Latin in college. I got to university and took German 101 my first semester. That was a shocker. It had been a long time since I started learning a new language, and the immersion environment in my classroom was overwhelming. I didn't want my GPA to suffer further, so I never went beyond that level. I still love the variety of languages and culture in the world, but my progress in learning them has slowed significantly.
- Crafting. I've always loved sewing and crafting, combining imagination and hands-on ability. My major limits have been time and experience. I remember trying to sew a dress by hand for myself around the time I was in fifth grade; sewing by hand limited the size of my projects, and my techniques were made-up and not very effective (that dress was very simply designed and fell apart quickly). I had a lot of good ideas and would often sketch out ideas for projects, but just didn't have the know-how to execute them. Once again, as I grew older I had less time for fun things like that and had to focus on school. Luckily, being married and maintaining my own frugal home has given me a new opportunity to get back into this again.
- People. This interest has undergone a lot of evolution in my life; naturally, I'm shy, but I really like being with people and getting to know them, and my social graces have improved through college. I like seeing what each person has to offer, and also seeing how people work. AP Psychology was one of the most useful classes I took in high school, and I loved my Human Development class in college; they're both just so applicable in working with people. Growing up, I sometimes felt more adept interacting with kids or hanging out with older people.
- Education. I considered majoring in elementary education, but after meeting with a second-grade teacher, decided that the low paychecks and multitasking weren't worth it (I also had a roommate who taught fifth grade, and could see that it was a lot of work). This is something that I feel pretty passionately about though because education is so influential and because of my difficulties with school. I've thought about educational administration, teaching, reform, alternatives, et cetera, and I'm still not sure where my best fit is.
Other interests of mine have included occasional sketching, cooking (being experimental and successful is a really fun combination), religious studies, composing or performing music (it's been a long time since I picked up my violin, but it met the same story as many other scholastic endeavors - I didn't put work into maintaining it), family history, and ballroom and social dance (I tried to complete the ballroom dance minor in college, but never had a successful audition to go beyond the open enrollment classes). I'll add any others as I think of them, but I think this covers most things.
- Writing. I probably started blogging a couple years ago, but I've loved writing for years. Like many of my hobbies, writing for fun fell by the wayside because I got busy with school and other distractions. I loved my creative writing class that I took my sophomore year in college - that's when I learned the value of editing and the power of my own writing. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good grade in that class because I didn't try very hard to keep up in the reading and because as a chronic procrastinator, deadlines haven't been my friends.
- Reading. I was a horribly voracious reader while growing up. The issues were that I would often ignore homework in favor of a delicious novel, and my reading level far surpassed my maturity level, so in middle school I stopped finding books that were sufficiently challenging because the content was more mature than I could handle. I also realized going into high school that I had to stop reading for fun if I was ever going to get homework done. Until recently, I basically just read for fun in the summer. I've slowly started picking up fun books again, but I still have problems putting the book down to take care of responsibilities. For my reading selection, I've mostly reread old favorites and gotten a couple recommendations from my family.
- Languages. I started learning Spanish in third grade and became enchanted with it. I was into American Girl Dolls at the time and Josephina, a nine year-old from colonial New Mexico, had just been introduced; I connected her with what I learned in school and became infatuated with everything I learned about Latin culture. I learned a little linguistics from my sophomore year Spanish teacher and took AP Spanish (advanced placement, a class with a standardized test of completion) my senior year in high school, and fully intended to study German, Italian, and Latin in college. I got to university and took German 101 my first semester. That was a shocker. It had been a long time since I started learning a new language, and the immersion environment in my classroom was overwhelming. I didn't want my GPA to suffer further, so I never went beyond that level. I still love the variety of languages and culture in the world, but my progress in learning them has slowed significantly.
- Crafting. I've always loved sewing and crafting, combining imagination and hands-on ability. My major limits have been time and experience. I remember trying to sew a dress by hand for myself around the time I was in fifth grade; sewing by hand limited the size of my projects, and my techniques were made-up and not very effective (that dress was very simply designed and fell apart quickly). I had a lot of good ideas and would often sketch out ideas for projects, but just didn't have the know-how to execute them. Once again, as I grew older I had less time for fun things like that and had to focus on school. Luckily, being married and maintaining my own frugal home has given me a new opportunity to get back into this again.
- People. This interest has undergone a lot of evolution in my life; naturally, I'm shy, but I really like being with people and getting to know them, and my social graces have improved through college. I like seeing what each person has to offer, and also seeing how people work. AP Psychology was one of the most useful classes I took in high school, and I loved my Human Development class in college; they're both just so applicable in working with people. Growing up, I sometimes felt more adept interacting with kids or hanging out with older people.
- Education. I considered majoring in elementary education, but after meeting with a second-grade teacher, decided that the low paychecks and multitasking weren't worth it (I also had a roommate who taught fifth grade, and could see that it was a lot of work). This is something that I feel pretty passionately about though because education is so influential and because of my difficulties with school. I've thought about educational administration, teaching, reform, alternatives, et cetera, and I'm still not sure where my best fit is.
Other interests of mine have included occasional sketching, cooking (being experimental and successful is a really fun combination), religious studies, composing or performing music (it's been a long time since I picked up my violin, but it met the same story as many other scholastic endeavors - I didn't put work into maintaining it), family history, and ballroom and social dance (I tried to complete the ballroom dance minor in college, but never had a successful audition to go beyond the open enrollment classes). I'll add any others as I think of them, but I think this covers most things.
Another Beginning
I'm close to graduating with my bachelor's degree and have realized once again that I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
To make a long story short, I've been told since elementary school that I'm "living below my potential," and it's finally catching up to me. I look beyond college graduation and simply don't know where to go. I'm disenchanted with my field (speech therapy) which keeps demanding more school before I'm useful, disenchanted with my lack of skills after my undergraduate experience, disenchanted with the job market that seems to only value computer science techies and self-starters, and I'm mostly disenchanted because I've cheated myself out of learning for years.
This blog will serve as my thinking, planning, and reporting place. I might muse on what brought me to this point as a starting reference for reversing those processes. I'll include job-finding strategies and encouragement that my husband passes on to me. I'll hopefully take inventory of what skills, talents, or interests I currently have and consider how to use and improve upon them. Ideally, I'll write about the things I do and evaluate their benefits, and explore future possibilities.
I called this my Renaissance plan because I want to be changed by the process. I want to come out of this experience as a better, smarter, less-entitled, harder-working, more patient, intentional human being. I have a lot of blessings in my life, and I don't want them to go to waste because I was too lazy or too small to make something of them. I want to figure out where I want to go and make it happen.
So that's my game plan: establish a goal, draft a process to get there, and live it deliberately so that I'm invested and it becomes part of who I am. Let the journey commence.
To make a long story short, I've been told since elementary school that I'm "living below my potential," and it's finally catching up to me. I look beyond college graduation and simply don't know where to go. I'm disenchanted with my field (speech therapy) which keeps demanding more school before I'm useful, disenchanted with my lack of skills after my undergraduate experience, disenchanted with the job market that seems to only value computer science techies and self-starters, and I'm mostly disenchanted because I've cheated myself out of learning for years.
This blog will serve as my thinking, planning, and reporting place. I might muse on what brought me to this point as a starting reference for reversing those processes. I'll include job-finding strategies and encouragement that my husband passes on to me. I'll hopefully take inventory of what skills, talents, or interests I currently have and consider how to use and improve upon them. Ideally, I'll write about the things I do and evaluate their benefits, and explore future possibilities.
I called this my Renaissance plan because I want to be changed by the process. I want to come out of this experience as a better, smarter, less-entitled, harder-working, more patient, intentional human being. I have a lot of blessings in my life, and I don't want them to go to waste because I was too lazy or too small to make something of them. I want to figure out where I want to go and make it happen.
So that's my game plan: establish a goal, draft a process to get there, and live it deliberately so that I'm invested and it becomes part of who I am. Let the journey commence.
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