Scared of School

Have you ever been scared of classwork or a teacher? It sure sounds silly, huh?

I told my old roommate that I would see her in class tomorrow after missing the last two classes. I figured, "How bad could it be? I'll just go." Then I got home and read an email from that teacher, and I'm scared to go to class again. Not scared because I feel like someone will hurt me, but scared because I'm a wuss sometimes.

This teacher has a really strong personality; she is fun, but very no-nonsense about her expectations of her students. And I guess that my poor study skills tremble and quaver and want to hide from her scrutiny; it only makes my embarrassment and shame worse. I interpreted her email as "I'll do what I can as your professor, but the bottom line is that you have to suck it up and be a grown-up." I feel even more disabled and pathetic after reading that, particularly because I'm about to graduate--it's another reminder that I should have this down by now.

I wish I could run away, but I'm in my last semester and it's too late to do that--I can't put this class off for another semester with a fresh start. All I can do is try, right? My husband suggested revising my homework strategy, and I'll have to be brave enough to meet with my professor one-on-one, and I'll have to find the faith somewhere that everything really will be ok.