This semester I identified early on which class was probably going to be my hardest, and I met with the teacher at the beginning of the semester and explained to him that I had taken the prerequisite class a year ago and would probably get behind and have trouble keeping up with the work. He took it well and said that he would be available anytime I needed assistance. I even managed to meet with the TA's for help once before a midterm. But despite this good start, I didn't have enough momentum to keep the habit as the semester progressed (it didn't help that the professor had to take medical leave for a month and the TA's were confused in the assignments as well; it was just an unfortunate situation all around). It was improvement when compared with past semesters, but once again, it was insufficient to make a difference in the overall outcome.
What I'd like to try next semester is to meet with my teachers right away like I did this semester (though perhaps with more than just one teacher). But, I would like to have regular meetings with my professors/TA's at least once a month throughout the semester to help me stay on track. I want to do it no matter how on top of things (or behind things) I feel and not wait until things have gotten hard. My husband has done really well in teaching me the importance of setting and reporting on goals, instead of making goals and not establishing my accountability for them. It was a scary lesson for me to start learning - because I almost always associate accountability with guilt and shame - but now I see that reporting is a good tool in achieving goals more often. It also really helps to be working in a team.
If my mom reads this, she'll probably say in fun, "I TOLD YOU SO! YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME YEARS AGO. I'M SMARTER THAN YOU THINK I AM!". It's true that she has suggested for years that I meet with my professors and TA's early on. Lots of people have tried to help me over the years as I've struggled in college; I love them dearly and am grateful for their help and their support. I think, though, that as true as all that advice has been, it wasn't going to be meaningful or effective for me until I came to the same conclusion myself. I trust you and know that what you're saying is likely true, but it won't become a reality for me until I come to know it on my own. It's not fun, but I guess we all need to struggle sometimes to become deeper people. That's one problem I'm finding, is that I haven't had many struggles that have taken years, not just months or days, to overcome; I've been pretty blessed and had many things come easily, but it means that I haven't had that learning experience yet - this is one of my closest experiences to an "Abrahamic trial" in my life (waiting for a long time for the fulfillment of a promised blessing). I hate having trouble with something that should be so simple and so easy for me to do, and I hate the pressure I put on myself for it, not including the pressure I feel comes from other people, and I hate the academic consequences. But with an eternal perspective, I guess I gain more than I lose from this experience, and that makes it worthwhile. Until I get to that point where I can look back and say, "It was worth it," I just have to operate on faith that God knows what He's doing in giving me specific trials and experiences, and that because of that, I'll be more than simply ok in the end. I don't think God gives us experiences with the intent of shaping us to be simply mediocre.
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