Some days you just want to hate life. This morning was one of those times. I was frustrated because I was doing everything I could for my lab assessment, but the program was being quirky and I knew that my professor would take points off no matter how hard I tried. I panicked a little because I realized that not only did I have an exam today, I also have to meet with my English teacher for a paper conference, and I am most likely unprepared. I was panicked and frustrated because I was running out of time to both study and shower before my test, and I felt gross and angry on the inside and outside. I also got annoyed because as always, no one cares about paying education, English, history, psychology, etc majors for doing well the work they love like they are begging to pay computer and math geeks to do what they love; so unfair. I was frustrated because my professor who would be grading me on said exam seems like a heartless professional much of the time, and I remembered that none of my professors care about me. I also got up at 4:45am to work on the lab assessment before the written exam at 8am, and have only had a banana, a caramel candy, and water to eat/drink thus far today. I'm feeling personally inadequate and overly critical. I couldn't decide if I wanted to hide under a rock for the day or be an offended, angry grouch for the rest of ever and just sugar binge, so here I am, post-exam and pre-conference, still tired and hungry and grouchy, blogging about how hard life is sometimes.
I just caught up reading through my facebook newsfeed and feel surprisingly less angsty. Maybe I just needed to be distracted by other people's lives? The problems are still there, but they don't feel so angry and ominous now. I better keep myself distracted.
So, my husband pointed out that we're over halfway through the semester now and have just 6 weeks of classes left. Crazy!
Audiology 1 - Just had the first midterm today. I've been skipping this class quite a bit lately because 1) I've been sick a couple times, 2) it's my first class in the morning, and 3) I'm retaking this class and have already learned a lot of the stuff he's teaching. I do need to be better though. I felt surprisingly ok with the written part of today's exam (I already shared the lab portion's frustration: grades are already up for that and I got a 70%). I haven't done so hot on the last couple labs, so I probably need to start visiting the TA's like last semester, and start the labs more than 12 hours before they're due. It's still better than last semester, I guess, when I hardly turned anything in. Progress?
Audiology 2 - Class has been pretty easy since this one is just lecture and exams. We've had a couple guest lecturers lately that have really intrigued me, so that's been cool. I emailed the most recent one, actually, and have gotten 3 emails from her already and 3 additional people to contact! Who knows, I might be able to get a career out of this class.
Family history - I was kinda behind in researching, then I spent 6 hours in one day this week going through films of original and compiled records... And I still can't find any sources acknowledging or identifying the date or cause of death for my great-great grandpa! I probably need to be focusing on researching other records for class assignments, but that one still boggles me.
Speech - So far, mostly good... I think. I feel like I'm missing an assignment somewhere. But fortunately, I've stayed caught up with and gotten good grades on everything else. I've got a reading quiz coming up that I need to remember to do when I have the book.
English - I'm more or less keeping up... This class doesn't collect the homework very frequently, so it's hard to see my overall progress. We started our research unit a couple weeks ago, and I'm meeting with my teacher in a couple hours to go over what I've got so far. Hopefully I can produce something to show her by then. Both my friend and I have had a hard time finding any compelling research topics in our field, so hopefully it'll turn out ok.
So there's my academic life for now. It feels pretty dismal sometimes (usually right before a procrastinated deadline), but it'll be over with soon and I'll at least have a degree in something. I still don't know if having a degree will do me any good, but I can hope that it's better than nothing. Ugh. Time for another distraction.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Career Possibility?
We had another guest lecturer in one of my classes today. While I didn't have any tender interactions with this lecturer, her presentation did make me think a bit.
This woman makes home visits to hearing-impaired children in early intervention programs and helps habilitate them to aural communication. She works with newborn - three year-old children with hearing losses. She said to become certified, you need a bachelor's degree in elementary, early childhood, or special education, go to a 26-credit-hour program at a university, and complete part 2 of accreditation while working full-time.
I still don't know much about it, but it sounds like something that makes a contribution, something fairly low-key, and something that I could be prepared to do. So now, I'll probably check out the government's website for the program and check out the state schools for the deaf and blind and their programs. I hope it's something that I both like and can do!
This woman makes home visits to hearing-impaired children in early intervention programs and helps habilitate them to aural communication. She works with newborn - three year-old children with hearing losses. She said to become certified, you need a bachelor's degree in elementary, early childhood, or special education, go to a 26-credit-hour program at a university, and complete part 2 of accreditation while working full-time.
I still don't know much about it, but it sounds like something that makes a contribution, something fairly low-key, and something that I could be prepared to do. So now, I'll probably check out the government's website for the program and check out the state schools for the deaf and blind and their programs. I hope it's something that I both like and can do!
Friday, February 22, 2013
My Jean Valjean Moment
This is taken from my other blog, where I originally posted it earlier today.
...........................
We had a guest lecturer in one of my classes today: an adjunct professor who mostly teaches and researches in a neighboring state. When she first came in, an older woman with a cord for her glasses and carefully puffed and curled hair, I didn't think I would be terribly interested in her lecture, but I was really wrong. However, the best surprise came at the end.
I can't do this woman's research justice, so I'll try to just avoid describing it. Someone's already yelled at me on facebook because I tried to sum up this professor's research into a single status update. But the developmental theories and applications behind her work were fascinating to me. It was a problem I hadn't considered before, and I admired her clinical work in teaching Theory of Mind and representative play to deaf and hearing-impaired children. My husband called me while the class was packing up, and as I shared my excitement with him, he encouraged me to talk to the professor and network with her about her specialty.
We chatted briefly about if there were any local researchers in her area of expertise, and she asked a little about where I was in the program. I told her that I'm graduating from my undergrad this semester, and that I don't know if I'm interested in continuing to a master's degree. She asked why, and I just said it was kind of hard in this particular program with so much of it being lecture-based (massive simplification of months of frustration). This was my "Valjean moment," which I identified as such in retrospect. She was extremely sympathetic (not in a I-pity-you way) and suggested that I try to get a job as a speech tech or assistant. She shared a story about one of her students who was in a similar boat: she didn't want to go on in the field because she didn't have very good grades. However, this professor asked her to work as an assistant in some research at the time, and when the student got hands-on experience, she just bloomed and loved her work, and then continued on to do well in a graduate program. She, the professor, encouraged me to give it a try, and if I'm interested in the field, to not give up.
I was floored as I thought about it. I was encouraged by her genuine care and interest in me--a student who she only met for five minutes, who she knew nothing about. My professors probably couldn't care less if I don't go to grad school, and might even prefer if I don't! But this woman reached out to me from her heart, not from her profession, and encouraged me to keep trying and not give up. I don't know why she wants me to keep going. But her simple faith in me and the easy practicality of her advice to work as an assistant make me want to keep going and give it another shot. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around what just happened in my heart. She gave me hope, and I don't even know her name. I think I'll try to see if there's a place for me in speech pathology, or in children's language development. So thank you, professor-who-I'll-probably-never-see-again. Thank you.
[The Jean Valjean connection I felt is when the priest gives Valjean the benefit of doubt and through his kindness, offers him a new chance at life, and Valjean is touched by the simplicity of the priest's love and trust.]
...........................
We had a guest lecturer in one of my classes today: an adjunct professor who mostly teaches and researches in a neighboring state. When she first came in, an older woman with a cord for her glasses and carefully puffed and curled hair, I didn't think I would be terribly interested in her lecture, but I was really wrong. However, the best surprise came at the end.
I can't do this woman's research justice, so I'll try to just avoid describing it. Someone's already yelled at me on facebook because I tried to sum up this professor's research into a single status update. But the developmental theories and applications behind her work were fascinating to me. It was a problem I hadn't considered before, and I admired her clinical work in teaching Theory of Mind and representative play to deaf and hearing-impaired children. My husband called me while the class was packing up, and as I shared my excitement with him, he encouraged me to talk to the professor and network with her about her specialty.
We chatted briefly about if there were any local researchers in her area of expertise, and she asked a little about where I was in the program. I told her that I'm graduating from my undergrad this semester, and that I don't know if I'm interested in continuing to a master's degree. She asked why, and I just said it was kind of hard in this particular program with so much of it being lecture-based (massive simplification of months of frustration). This was my "Valjean moment," which I identified as such in retrospect. She was extremely sympathetic (not in a I-pity-you way) and suggested that I try to get a job as a speech tech or assistant. She shared a story about one of her students who was in a similar boat: she didn't want to go on in the field because she didn't have very good grades. However, this professor asked her to work as an assistant in some research at the time, and when the student got hands-on experience, she just bloomed and loved her work, and then continued on to do well in a graduate program. She, the professor, encouraged me to give it a try, and if I'm interested in the field, to not give up.
I was floored as I thought about it. I was encouraged by her genuine care and interest in me--a student who she only met for five minutes, who she knew nothing about. My professors probably couldn't care less if I don't go to grad school, and might even prefer if I don't! But this woman reached out to me from her heart, not from her profession, and encouraged me to keep trying and not give up. I don't know why she wants me to keep going. But her simple faith in me and the easy practicality of her advice to work as an assistant make me want to keep going and give it another shot. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around what just happened in my heart. She gave me hope, and I don't even know her name. I think I'll try to see if there's a place for me in speech pathology, or in children's language development. So thank you, professor-who-I'll-probably-never-see-again. Thank you.
[The Jean Valjean connection I felt is when the priest gives Valjean the benefit of doubt and through his kindness, offers him a new chance at life, and Valjean is touched by the simplicity of the priest's love and trust.]
Week 7
Audiology 1: Our first midterm and another lab are coming up next week. We had a quiz and a lab due this past week. I missed a couple days of class because I was sick. Overall grade thus far: 94.45%
Audiology 2: We had our second of five exams last week, and I got a 92% on it. It looks like we have another one next week (it seems like we have one every two weeks). We had a guest lecturer today whose research was super interesting to me. Overall grade thus far: 96%.
Family History: I've gotten way behind in research. We had a couple assignments due last week, and the TA told me that my research log was set up really well (I just need to make sure I don't forget to fill in the citations). I think we have an assignment or two due on Monday, so I should work on that this weekend. Current grade thus far: umm, something looks very wrong. I just emailed the professor.
Speech: We had our first midterm last week, and after a couple adjustments were made to grades, I got a 93% on it. I haven't missed anything so far, except for maybe one lab (it's tough to tell). Current grade thus far: 93.36%.
Writing: This class has been going better. I've gotten a little better at arriving on time. We got our first project grades back, and I got 50% credit; this is the project that I joined the class halfway through and didn't finish. The professor doesn't collect our work very often, and hasn't put any grades online at all. Current grade thus far: no idea.
Also, because of the ideas discussed in the last post, I've started yet another blog... It's probably won't become active until after graduation, but it's for coordinating my creative efforts: planning and showcasing various projects so that friends can see what I do and commission their own projects for me to work on.
Audiology 2: We had our second of five exams last week, and I got a 92% on it. It looks like we have another one next week (it seems like we have one every two weeks). We had a guest lecturer today whose research was super interesting to me. Overall grade thus far: 96%.
Family History: I've gotten way behind in research. We had a couple assignments due last week, and the TA told me that my research log was set up really well (I just need to make sure I don't forget to fill in the citations). I think we have an assignment or two due on Monday, so I should work on that this weekend. Current grade thus far: umm, something looks very wrong. I just emailed the professor.
Speech: We had our first midterm last week, and after a couple adjustments were made to grades, I got a 93% on it. I haven't missed anything so far, except for maybe one lab (it's tough to tell). Current grade thus far: 93.36%.
Writing: This class has been going better. I've gotten a little better at arriving on time. We got our first project grades back, and I got 50% credit; this is the project that I joined the class halfway through and didn't finish. The professor doesn't collect our work very often, and hasn't put any grades online at all. Current grade thus far: no idea.
Also, because of the ideas discussed in the last post, I've started yet another blog... It's probably won't become active until after graduation, but it's for coordinating my creative efforts: planning and showcasing various projects so that friends can see what I do and commission their own projects for me to work on.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Future Things
Hubby and I were talking about my post-graduation plans yesterday. Apparently he's been thinking about it a lot but hadn't said anything. These are a couple things that he noted as being important:
- Something that will keep me busy, productive, and contributing to the world.
- Something that will get me out of the house and interacting with people.
He added that he never wants to say that I must get a job, partly because we'll be ok financially if I don't get a job right away, but that for me, I should find something that satisfies the two requirements he identified. My husband knows me well. Even before we were dating, I knew that it was emotionally dangerous for me to be too isolated, and that when I didn't have structure, or ways to contribute to "society," that was also bad. So I agree that those are important considerations for what I end up doing.
One idea that I tossed around yesterday was--at least temporarily--taking time to work on crafting and creative endeavors. I can be a little more ambitious than I currently have skills for, but it's something that's kept my interest since I was a child. (I think I tried sewing my own dress when I was eight years old... It was a red cotton print with little pink strawberries all over, but all I knew was a basic running stitch, which didn't hold it together very well, and I accidentally made a cut in the middle of the dress, so I never got to wear it anywhere.) I'm mostly thinking about sewing, but I could try other things as well.
I was inspired yesterday by two things: the first comment left on this blog, and browsing through clothing retail websites. Lauren suggested a medley of things that were related to the hobbies and interests I had listed, and they sounded fun; I was specifically intrigued by the painting idea and considering the Etsy shop. The clothing websites I looked at reminded me that 1) it's hard sometimes to find cute clothes that fit and are modest and 2) I think I can do a lot of those fix-ups, or even making them from scratch.
So one idea is to build up my repertoire of crafting skills by doing these fix-ups and crafts for friends, either doing it for free or charging for materials only. I still want to take a sewing class and a few others, but it's a talent that I can start working on as soon as I have more time. I see it as being something useful for other people too.
- Something that will keep me busy, productive, and contributing to the world.
- Something that will get me out of the house and interacting with people.
He added that he never wants to say that I must get a job, partly because we'll be ok financially if I don't get a job right away, but that for me, I should find something that satisfies the two requirements he identified. My husband knows me well. Even before we were dating, I knew that it was emotionally dangerous for me to be too isolated, and that when I didn't have structure, or ways to contribute to "society," that was also bad. So I agree that those are important considerations for what I end up doing.
One idea that I tossed around yesterday was--at least temporarily--taking time to work on crafting and creative endeavors. I can be a little more ambitious than I currently have skills for, but it's something that's kept my interest since I was a child. (I think I tried sewing my own dress when I was eight years old... It was a red cotton print with little pink strawberries all over, but all I knew was a basic running stitch, which didn't hold it together very well, and I accidentally made a cut in the middle of the dress, so I never got to wear it anywhere.) I'm mostly thinking about sewing, but I could try other things as well.
I was inspired yesterday by two things: the first comment left on this blog, and browsing through clothing retail websites. Lauren suggested a medley of things that were related to the hobbies and interests I had listed, and they sounded fun; I was specifically intrigued by the painting idea and considering the Etsy shop. The clothing websites I looked at reminded me that 1) it's hard sometimes to find cute clothes that fit and are modest and 2) I think I can do a lot of those fix-ups, or even making them from scratch.
So one idea is to build up my repertoire of crafting skills by doing these fix-ups and crafts for friends, either doing it for free or charging for materials only. I still want to take a sewing class and a few others, but it's a talent that I can start working on as soon as I have more time. I see it as being something useful for other people too.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Life and Fairness
I was just daydreaming/brainstorming/musing this past week. I thought about how, if my husband and I were to somehow lose everything we own, especially wrongfully, there are avenues for help in rectifying the unfairness that we didn't deserve. But most of mankind has probably lived without such avenues for retribution. If a family living on a homestead 200 years ago in the middle of nowhere had their house burn down through an accident, there's no one to magically pay them for the inconvenience and help them get back on their feet. They had to somehow learn to deal with it and move forward with what they had instead of feeling cheating and paralyzed by the injustice.
Today, I feel fairly comfortable with the fact that there is often an "appeals" process somewhere if I'm wronged. I can appeal to the "higher ups" and likely see some form of justification made and fairness restored. But is that really what life is like, or what life is about? What lessons did my ancestors learn that I might be missing out on? How did they emotionally deal with the unfairness in life, and how did it shape their characters and personalities? Did it help them to be more patient, more forgiving, or to rely on God?
This isn't to minimize our contemporary struggles. I believe that while some challenges are harder than others, every single person you run into has problems that are hard for them. It makes me angry when I see people belittling the challenges that other people go through (example: When I say that I miss my fiance while he's gone for two weeks, don't you dare tell me that I have it easy, and that I should try going my first year of married life only seeing him on weekends, because your life is obviously so much harder than mine. Your suffering doesn't make mine any less). The circumstances we're in and challenges we face are different because everybody is a different person. I'm curious about the effects of this difference--politicized and cultured fairness over time--right now.
Today, I feel fairly comfortable with the fact that there is often an "appeals" process somewhere if I'm wronged. I can appeal to the "higher ups" and likely see some form of justification made and fairness restored. But is that really what life is like, or what life is about? What lessons did my ancestors learn that I might be missing out on? How did they emotionally deal with the unfairness in life, and how did it shape their characters and personalities? Did it help them to be more patient, more forgiving, or to rely on God?
This isn't to minimize our contemporary struggles. I believe that while some challenges are harder than others, every single person you run into has problems that are hard for them. It makes me angry when I see people belittling the challenges that other people go through (example: When I say that I miss my fiance while he's gone for two weeks, don't you dare tell me that I have it easy, and that I should try going my first year of married life only seeing him on weekends, because your life is obviously so much harder than mine. Your suffering doesn't make mine any less). The circumstances we're in and challenges we face are different because everybody is a different person. I'm curious about the effects of this difference--politicized and cultured fairness over time--right now.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Holidays and Week 6
So, week 6 actually went by pretty well! Grades aren't posted from Friday's midterm yet; I wasn't as confident on this one, but I took twice as much study time (a full hour), so we'll see... I think I did a pretty good job preparing for Saturday's midterm and got an 84% on it. I should be proud of this: I managed to start a couple days before the test and finish watching every single online lecture of the semester (all of which I had neglected so far). It's not a spectacular grade, but I had heard from my classmates that it was a hard test, so hopefully the teacher will be curving everyone's grades up. I felt good about most of the questions, but there were some I wasn't sure about. I'm doing a little better at keeping up in English - I can see that it's a class I need to work harder at, but that it's doable. I also got to class early a couple times and discovered that I'm not the only person who often comes to class late. Saturday was spent at one bridal shower, studying for and taking a midterm, and shopping for another bridal shower.
I'm becoming terrible at keeping up with holidays, birthdays, etc. I've already posted my reflections on invitations to things like weddings, showers, and parties, and how I want to improve my response to those invitations (still deciding how to respond to people I'm not super-close friends with who appear to have invited all of their facebook friends to these events, because I can't tell if I'm actually wanted). I used to really try to be thoughtful and give out good wishes for all my facebook-friends' birthdays, engagements, and other good news, but then it got overwhelming and now I feel like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon with well-wishing. I do think well of people, and it's nice to be reminded of them when facebook tells me about their latest good news, but it feels cliche and less genuine to say what everyone else is saying, especially when they weren't on my mind before facebook told me. The same thing has been slowly generalized to holidays over the years. Even if I do hope that someone has a good Christmas day, I also hope that they have a good pre- and post-Christmas day; it seems trite and superficial to call, text, or otherwise broadcast to my friends that I hope that one particular day is good while not wishing the same of the other days. It feels that way even if it's my sister's or best friend's birthday... And being so far away, I feel like I can't do anything to contribute to her day either; I can't make a difference in her day to make it better, only offer the same words as everyone else. Being shy also makes it easy to just not say anything and keep my good wishes for others in my heart, between me and God. I should probably change these feelings, but I'm not sure what the right answer is.
I do kinda like what my husband and I did for Valentine's Day. I tried to do a "14 days of Valentines" for him with mixed success; I didn't do something each day, but the fact that I was trying was really good for him. And it spread out the extra love throughout the month instead of, "Oh, it's 14 February - let's act like we love each other more than usual." I helped my brother make valentines earlier in the week and had fun trying to make a couple "Valentine" outfits (trickier done than said - I don't usually wear pink or red). On the illustrious V-Day itself, my hubby and I made stir fry for dinner, made some red velvet cookies, and snuggled up for a movie (I know my husband loves me because: he watched Jane Austen's Emma with me without complaining). It was a nice day to relax and take some extra time doing fun things together. We try to do date nights every week or so already, so this was a slightly extended and pre-planned version of the usual.
I'm becoming terrible at keeping up with holidays, birthdays, etc. I've already posted my reflections on invitations to things like weddings, showers, and parties, and how I want to improve my response to those invitations (still deciding how to respond to people I'm not super-close friends with who appear to have invited all of their facebook friends to these events, because I can't tell if I'm actually wanted). I used to really try to be thoughtful and give out good wishes for all my facebook-friends' birthdays, engagements, and other good news, but then it got overwhelming and now I feel like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon with well-wishing. I do think well of people, and it's nice to be reminded of them when facebook tells me about their latest good news, but it feels cliche and less genuine to say what everyone else is saying, especially when they weren't on my mind before facebook told me. The same thing has been slowly generalized to holidays over the years. Even if I do hope that someone has a good Christmas day, I also hope that they have a good pre- and post-Christmas day; it seems trite and superficial to call, text, or otherwise broadcast to my friends that I hope that one particular day is good while not wishing the same of the other days. It feels that way even if it's my sister's or best friend's birthday... And being so far away, I feel like I can't do anything to contribute to her day either; I can't make a difference in her day to make it better, only offer the same words as everyone else. Being shy also makes it easy to just not say anything and keep my good wishes for others in my heart, between me and God. I should probably change these feelings, but I'm not sure what the right answer is.
I do kinda like what my husband and I did for Valentine's Day. I tried to do a "14 days of Valentines" for him with mixed success; I didn't do something each day, but the fact that I was trying was really good for him. And it spread out the extra love throughout the month instead of, "Oh, it's 14 February - let's act like we love each other more than usual." I helped my brother make valentines earlier in the week and had fun trying to make a couple "Valentine" outfits (trickier done than said - I don't usually wear pink or red). On the illustrious V-Day itself, my hubby and I made stir fry for dinner, made some red velvet cookies, and snuggled up for a movie (I know my husband loves me because: he watched Jane Austen's Emma with me without complaining). It was a nice day to relax and take some extra time doing fun things together. We try to do date nights every week or so already, so this was a slightly extended and pre-planned version of the usual.
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